I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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