i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
