he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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