shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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