i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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