i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
