it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
