the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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