that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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