I hate all girls vehemently.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
