Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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