maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize