She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
