i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
