It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
