ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
