I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
