did you get engaged???
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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