bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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