Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
