I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
