We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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