I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
