an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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