Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize