he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Operation Purity has been aborted
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
