Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
