alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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