Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
