I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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