It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Alive.
So much puke
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
