I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
