wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
