great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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