i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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