I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
