In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
