Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
