Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
