When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
