dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
