one two three fourrrrnication!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
