As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
