I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
