Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
