just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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