THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
