tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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