If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
