I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
