She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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