Who wears a wallet chain?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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