Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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