One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
