Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
