Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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