Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
