just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
