I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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