:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
