2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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