That's intense
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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