I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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