blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
