well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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