im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
