the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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