So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish you could order shots online.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
