It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
