I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize